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[Dec. 8th, 2009|08:21 pm] |
Maybe you aren't horrible-
Just really hurtful.
There's probably a reason why my drawings bother you.
(you were not God sent- that's for sure.) |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2009|01:39 pm] |
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This is pretty, but isn't smart.
I can't stand that it feels like my ribs are caving in and I can't breathe when I'm not talking to you.
These thoughts aren't healthy, but it's nice to feel something pumping.
I'm afraid I'll cage you like all the rest- my singing bird without a nest.
I wouldn't hurt you, but I could try.
Do you want what I have to offer or should I feed it the dogs.
Conversations of you fill my head- all the things I should of said.
I don't want long days to be over.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|09:53 pm] |
This is how it goes. Over and over.
It's not the same- but it could be. We hold our breath. I bite my tongue.
Let's make a pact- That we'll love forever.
She raises her arms to the sky while sparks fly, she's broke down in Southern floods, misty eyed and marbled dreams. I want to kiss her. We talk about old faces we'll never see again and thank god, but I've outlined her face so many times- I can't forget this.
You wake up wet with sweat, heart thumping, and why? You and your woman still want to die, but you wake up and things are different...You hope, you think, you'd like, anyway.
I would be good to you, take everything and run with it. You want it all, but she gives nothing.
What does it feel like when you fall asleep? The overhaul of a city shining beneath you and a steady heartbeat of your body ticking next to me. I'll practice the patterns of your beating against my knee. (Please wake up and say something.)
She calls you from work and you're happy. You whisper stories around the corner and I feel sick. Stomach rots and shoulders sweep the carpet that has touched your feet. There's semi-trucks bawling in my head, ambulance lights flashing, but you are Summer days when crickets sang and bees were in love again. You have her, and I have me. So I drink more, because it feels good when you're already drunk. Talk to her, because her mind is great, but it's easy to watch how she brings her shoulders to her chin when she misses someone, but not you. Drink more, because you have no one to miss. Enjoy life, because you haven't in years.
Shrug at the sadness of life and howl across the big blazing continent in Oregon, cheap but sentimental, you always whisper that you love this place. Bartenders play 'I Wanna Be Sedated' three times in a row and everybody gets drunk and shouts the words. We use to sneak off and hide from the drunks, you'd kiss me then (at least I pretend you did). In the mornings I can never win with you- sunlight has no matter to the way your skin smells after deep sleep and heavy dreams. You cover your face and mumble into the bed- I've seen neon signs glow through winter windows, but nothing will ever look as bold as you, sitting in our winter room. So if morning never comes, I'll be glued to neon blues. Nothing hangs weighty as this, but you won't understand anyway. Your life safe and work day troubles and love life troubles, your troubled mind not working as good as it used to—writer's block, depression, anxiety, suicide thoughts, zoloft, obsessing over your girl who's bad news and off with who knows, getting drunk with whoever, and going where? Your worries are small; you have no idea.
We talk in letters and on phones and in the streets and we're afraid we've been down too long to change. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2009|02:06 pm] |
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I've been watching your world from afar.
I've been trying to be where you are.
I've been secretly falling apart...
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful.
You'd be so perfect with me,
but you can't see-
you turn every head,
but you don't see me.
I wish when you wake- I'd be the first thing you'd see.
Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first.
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes.
I know that waiting is all you can do...Sometimes.
Someday you might realize that you love me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2009|09:19 pm] |
Get away from me darling... I'll get high hopes.
My guard has been watching. Deadly, but alone.
Everybody loves you.
You've fallen from my plan. Do I keep my head high? Do I keep my head low.
Everybody loves you.
I once thought you could be mine.
The evening gets late with you and I was biting my tongue off.
I'm here for you now, but I got too close.
My heart stood up and said 'You should of known better. You were such a smart kid.'
I didn't know your secret.
You went out and found the woman that you wanted.
Everybody loves you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|05:55 pm] |
Selah Sue, I want to marry you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|12:44 pm] |
 I wonder if you miss me when I'm not around you. Before and After. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 28th, 2009|11:00 am] |
I another reason to stay away-
coming home on Mondays, smelling like tangerines.
They say I should I leave you behind
FInd someone new.
But who doesn't love a girl that smells like tangerines?
I'm not going to beg
(please, please, please)
Could you be good to me?
This happens to all of us-
I'm not good enough.
I can't make you smell like tangerines.
You say "You're still here."
That proves something.
Late at night- I come home smelling like tangerines.
"After all these years- The only girl I can't quite figure out...Is the girl with a glass of water...She's in the middle, yet on the outside."
"Maybe she's just different from the others."
"How different?"
"I don't know." |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2009|10:21 pm] |
Girl,
All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something...
I wish I was your favorite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favorite kind of style.
I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met...
I wish you had a favorite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three
I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep
Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something...
(Yup, I hate feeling these feelings) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|10:00 pm] |
What are you more afraid of: spending more than two consecutive nights with the same woman, or finding out this thing might not be as crazy as it seems?
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|03:44 pm] |
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1. Haven't been hugged for two weeks.
2. My heart sinks.
3. I want to hug you.
4. Cancelled plans (or none at all)
5. Burnt my taste buds.
6. The wind.
7. I have no guts (or no mind)
8. I can't sleep (because of everything)
9. "I'm sorry, what was your name again?"
10. Turning the radio station to the end of a good song.
11. Pretending it doesn't hurt to be alone.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|01:22 pm] |
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Dear Girl,
When I looked at you, my life made sense. Even the bad things made sense. They were neccessary to make you possible. But even so, every now and then I would feel a violent stab of loneliness. The very water I drink, the very air I breathe, would feel like long, sharp needles. I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning. I want to be in love for real.
Have you ever been in love? Isn't it horrible? Does it make you feel vulnerable. Opens your chest and opens your heart- it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.
Sometimes, I feel like you're closer than I think. I lay down to sleep and I swear you breathe the same air as me. Do you wonder where I am too? Are you in love with someone right now? Have we met and we don't know it yet? I want to be everywhere you are- if only I knew how and who.
It would be enough to be with you. I don't need to touch. Not even talk. I just want that feeling that passes between us both. You and I, we won't be alone someday.
I've made a list for you on what they don't teach us at school...
They don't teach you how to love somebody.
They don't teach you how to be famous.
They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor.
They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer.
They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind.
They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying.
They don't teach you anything worth knowing.
I hope you come around soon.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|01:09 am] |
Tell me what I've got to do to be a better person.
I've got my thoughts all wrapped up in you.
I've got my head all messed up with you.
Do you sleep angry at night- like I do?
I hold my breath and count to ten
I smile a little and hold it in
But I can't stop breathing.
This is gay. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|11:24 pm] |
I feel too much.
That's what's going on.
Do you think one can feel too much?
Or just feel in the wrong ways?
My insides don't match up with my outsides.
Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?
I don't know.
Maybe that's what a person's personality is:
the difference between the inside and outside. 
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|09:36 pm] |
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I love my new fixie!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|07:47 pm] |
Good things fall apart so better things can fall together.  |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2009|12:02 am] |
I like her-
I can't help it.
It's miserable to like someone-
not even for a night.
She gets drunk off wine.
I hate myself sometimes.
Her hair goes up so perfectly and I like the pieces she leaves behind.
What was she asking me?
She has perfect ears-
I want to hold them when mornings are cold.
She has perfect fingers-
I bet they're always cold.
I want to hold her hand-
Just to see how we fit.
I'm sorry for thinking these things when I see you.
I'm still a fool. |
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quartney_love's journal
